Thoughts

Thought...
First, can I just say that I love the autumn. I love the cooler weather (the heat of summer starts to wear on me after a while). I LOVE the leaves changing color and I love even the smell in the air. Everything that is associated with autumn, even the holidays.

As we were traveling to Fresno this past weekend, for my cousins wedding. The colors we passed on the way out of Utah were gorgeous. (The above picture doesn't do them justice. They were spectacular.) But as we exited the cooler weather and entered the "palm tree zone". These colors disappeared. I was surprised at the lack of Autumn that existed in St George and California. Unless you had survived the scortching heat of summer, you wouldn't know that Autumn was in the air. It was hot, humid and colorless. It really made me appreciate the place that I live in. Sometimes I start to wonder, if living in another city or state would be a good thing for us. We have lived here our whole lives and sometimes, I think I get a little bored of it. But then I travel. And for the most part when I travel, I really realize the benefits of living where I do. Yes, spring and fall are short in comparison to winter and summer, here. But, we do have 4 seasons, and I love it.

Another thought...
After Chase was born, I began to accept the family that I was given. Not that I hadn't been happy with it before, but lets all admit it. Every Father wants a son, and every Mother wants a daughter. It's just a fact, whether we admit it or not. When we decided to have another baby after the twins were here, I knew it would be a little girl. I had no doubt. But when I found out that Chase was in fact a boy, I didn't deal with it well. After time, and acceptance, I was very happy with my 4 little boys. Then by the time the fifth one showed up, it felt inevitable. I was to be a mother of all boys. And surprisingly, I was ok with that, and have been ever since. I rarely feel robbed or cheated of anything. But a few weeks ago, whe Alex sang at the priesthood session of conference something happened. For the first time, I experienced sadness at not having a girl. I was not welcome to go to the priesthood session, to hear my son sing. He did get to share that with his Dad, which was fantastic. But, I felt a little left out. I will never have the opportunity to take a daughter to sing in the womens session of conference.
Then, after the conference was over, Steve took Alex out for ice cream. A simple gesture, but somehow again I felt left out. When they got home, I told them, that they should have come to get me, and taken me to ice cream too. Their response was something to the effect that it was only for boys, and that girls weren't allowed. Now, they were just kidding, really. I knew that, there was no question. But still someplace deep inside, it hurt. In my house, if there is an activity for just the girls, it is a solo activity for me (like grocery shopping).

We then went to my cousins daughters wedding this past weekend. It was beautiful. They spent many hours getting everything just right and it was! But as we were setting up for the reception, the night before, my cousin turned to me and told me how lucky I was to never have to throw a reception for my daughter. Again, that knife plunged a little deeper.

I know there will be opportunities for me with Daughter-in-law's and Granddaughters. But I don't think it will quite be the same. It is an interesting thing that Heavenly Father does in planning our families. Because I don't really think that we do any of the planning. My family is proof of that. They are delightful and beautiful, and I am greatful for each of my handsome boys. I wouldn't trade any of them for a girl. But I think as time goes on, I will have little heart aches along the way.