The Twinners 10th Birthday

For those of you who have seen my facebook page. You already know that I'm obsessing. I wasn't going to mention Eric and Josh's birthday until the day actually came. But I've hit that thing...that thing that happens too me every year, where I literally look at them and burst into tears. It is a strange phenomenon really. I love each one of my children equally. I adore all of the strange little things they do to make me laugh, and I freak out on each one of them when they do those little things that make me crazy. But something strange happens to me every year around E & J's bday. I start to cry. I don't cry when the other boys have a birthday. But for Eric and Josh, we celebrate each one with Mom crying. And it usually lasts for 6 weeks. I hope every year that we can make it through without the tears, but as of yet. It has been 10 tearful years.



Eric and Joshua were born 6 weeks and 2 days early. Eric weighed in at a whopping 5 pounds 1 ounce, and was 18 1/2 inches long. Joshua arrived 44 minutes after Eric. He weighed 4 pounds 7 ounces and was 17 3/4 inches long. Joshua was breech and after Eric was delivered, a complicated maneuver was performed to turn him around. I passed out, I threw up and then after much struggle, he was finally delivered.

I didn't get to see them until about 4 hours after they were born, and when I did. This is what I saw. They were so sick. So fragile. The nurses and Doctor wouldn't even let us touch Josh. He was struggling with his ventilator and had to be sedated. He was extremely fragile. He was transported to Primary Children's Hospital that night, because St. Marks couldn't take care of him.

Steve and I lived moment to moment. For a week we had Alex at home with Grandma, Eric in one hospital, and Josh in another. We spent more time that week with Eric, because we could actually feed him and hold him. We could only look at Josh, and whisper to him, so that we didn't upset him.

When we got them both back at the same hospital we thought life had just gotten so much easier. But when you have children in the NICU, nothing is easy. We had good days and bad days, some even so bad that we turned on the nurses. They really have a rough job, when parents take out all of their frustrations on them. But really they should learn not to use the term "They shouldn't even be here yet." It only makes a Mom feel like a failure for not being able to keep them where they should be.

When we finally got them home, the real work began. We couldn't believe how much work they were. I didn't sleep for 3 months. I was up all night feeding them. As soon as one finished eating, and was all tucked into bed, the other would wake and want to eat. This pattern would repeat all night long. Every book I read said to wake them both and feed them at the same time. But it never worked. Either one wouldn't wake up, or one would throw up on me, while waiting to burp. So, needless to say. I didn't sleep. But it was soooo nice to have them both home.

They grew!

And Grew!

And Grew!

They have been so much fun, and so much work. When they were 18 months and started to walk, they created so much chaos. They were terrors together. They got into so much trouble, and did so many naughty things. I couldn't believe that they could even come up with some of the things they did.

This was last years birthday cakes.

Some day I hope to be able to celebrate their birthday without tears. But I think maybe they came into the world the way that they did, so that I would always remember how blessed I am to have the wonderful kids that I have. Because truly that is how I feel. I am so blessed.

If they had been born 15 years earlier, Joshua wouldn't have lived, and Eric probably would have had serious problems. We were so lucky to have had the medical care that we had. We are so lucky to have them in our family, and I am so lucky to have the opportunity to be their Mom.

I truly cannot believe they are ten years old. I don't know where the time has gone. I can remember so vividly, having both of them in my belly, and the discomfort that caused. I remember the day they were born, and how I felt like I had failed them, I remember bringing each of them home, and just staring at them for hours, unable to really process the fact that they were both mine. I remember them learning to crawl, and worrying whether or not they would walk, and I still feel the exhaustion from it.

I cannot believe it has been 10 years.